Now that I've been living in Texas for nearly three years, I've come to appreciate the uniqueness of Texans. Like most people in this country (I've lived in eight different states so I have a pretty good sample of this country and its people), they have spouses, or significant others, they have kids, they work hard, they own homes, they get drunk, they eat stuff that's bad for them, they are happy and joyful, they are sad and depressed, but what makes Texans truly unique from other people in this country, well, let me just say that it takes some getting used to. I will try my best to explain.
Texans have no desire to leave Texas. Not all Texans (I haven't met all of them because this is a big-ass state), but a lot of Texans I've met have lived here their entire lives and they have no desire to leave. Some of them (I've been shocked to meet so many) know little to nothing about the rest of our country. And they don't seem to have much of a desire to know anything else beyond the borders of Texas. I find that rather odd, as well as a bit narrow. Okay, that's not a bit narrow, that's really narrow. They're really missing out, in my opinion. This country is huge and very diverse - the geography and the people. It's a great big world out there. Get out of the state of Texas and explore you narrow Texans! You just might learn something and enjoy yourself while you're at it.
Texans love their guns. I know that can be said about a lot of Americans. But the gun culture here is mind boggling. There are huge signs on the side of the highways here in Texas (like the ones that warn you about accidents and amber alerts) that announce gun shows and tell you which exit to take to get there. WTF? The first time I saw one of those gun show announcements I thought, "Wow! That must be some very special gun show." Nope, it's a common occurrence I've discovered. That's both perplexing and disturbing to me.
Texans love their pickup trucks. And they love to drive them fast. What's that all about? My guess - left over cowboy culture, from when there were no paved roads and cattle would roam freely about the state. Some things just linger on in a society. Texans love their football. I cannot say that enough.
Texans love their football. I've never been a football fan. I've watched all kinds of sports. I used to be a baseball fan. I've never really liked football but after a while, you get kind of beat down by the fact that if you know nothing about football, and I used to freely admit it when someone here would ask, you are called un-American. If I had a dollar for every time I've been called un-American since I've moved here, I'd have a fistful of dollars. I was bored one day at work so I read the rules of football on Wikipedia. Now I know why I don't like football. There are all kinds of crazy rules and far too many to remember. Someone actually had to come up with all of those rules. Apparently, they had way too much time on their hands that day.
But you know, swimming upstream all of the time is exhausting. So, after feeling like a fish out of water (to continue with the fish analogy) for nearly three years, I've taken some steps to be more like a Texan.
In case you find yourself living in Texas (at least around the Houston area) and like me, you feel like you stick out like a sore thumb, try doing the following things:
Pay attention to football. By that I mean, know which teams are playing each week, and how the Texans are doing. If you want to make friends here and fit in with coworkers or have a conversation with someone at a bar, talk about football. Decide which team you are rooting for. At least pretend you're interested. Trust me, life is much easier.
Tell a Texan that you've recently been to a gun range and that you loved it. I know, it sounds insane at first, but I actually did this recently. I actually went to a gun range in Houston and rented a handgun and shot it. The next week, I told coworkers and family members here what I did. I told them all that I loved it and want to do it again. I told them I am considering buying my own handgun. Except for the coworker who is a transplant from California, they were all very interested in hearing about my recent gun range experience and most of them (not all of them, remember the uniqueness of snowflakes as well) had been to a gun range, owned their own handgun, and one coworker is an NRA member and teaches gun safety classes on the weekends. So unless you're completely against guns, I suggest doing what I did and going to a local gun range and renting a gun. It's important to talk about your experience positively, though. And truth be told, I actually did find it exciting. Scary, but exciting. And for those who care about such things, I rented a 9mm Glock. And for those concerned about my safety (or my sanity), I took a gun safety class first. I felt like a stooge trying to load the gun (it's harder than it looks) and it felt really awkward the first time I shot it, but after getting the hang of it, it was kind of fun. I might do it again, just saying.
Don't tell Texans that there are other states that are just as awesome as Texas. Don't go there. You will not only make an enemy, but they also won't believe you.
When it comes to owning a pickup truck, I got nothing. I have a very small sports car and love it. I'm not against pickup trucks, or people who own them, only the fact that Texans drive them like they're heading to a fire all of the time. Why are Texans all in a big hurry to get stuck in traffic? Traffic here in the Houston area has become very much like Los Angeles traffic. It sucks. Driving really fast isn't going to get you any place faster. It might get you killed and it's not good for your blood pressure, so why not slow down a bit? Smell the roses. Live another day to play with your kids or fight with your spouse. Again, just saying.
Okay, to summarize my thoughts on Texans and how to fit in:
- Football. It's more than just a game in Texas. Have an opinion about football and be prepared to have long, long, frequent conversations about it.
- Guns. They're a fact of life in Texas and are frequently a topic of conversation here. Get used to it.
- There are other states in this country besides Texas that are just as awesome. No there are not and don't even think about mentioning that fact.
- Pickup trucks. Sorry, I got nothing.
I hope my insights are helpful. You're welcome.
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